The Great Indian Curiosity
I know how difficult life is for a single Indian woman in her late 20s because I am 26 myself. The circle of single friends slowly shrinks, and suddenly you start facing questions about your marital status too often. “Are you married?” is the first one on the list. If the answer is no, then there are follow-up questions like “Why are you still single?” and “When are you getting married?”. From the milkman coming to your house to the doctor you consult, from the weddings you attend to the job interviews you give, conversations revolve around these questions. For some reason, other aspects of your life, like career, personal goals, and happiness, are inconsequential to some of these people. And the “creamy layer” goes the extra mile by offering unsolicited advice on how it’s not “normal” to stay single late into your 20s and demanding that you tie the knot soon.
Recently, I received such an ultimatum from a relative, a woman in her early 70s, whom I hadn’t met for years. She declared, “Now that you have settled down in your life, you should get married soon,”. I was taken aback by the sense of authority she displayed over my life, so I replied, “I don’t have plans to get married. I don’t want to get married!” Then came the next question, “Have you found someone?” with an expression of shock written on her face. I was amused by this, as she seemed to suspect I might have a partner outside of marriage. In reality, the only “someone” I’m seeing regularly is my boss, and that too during our virtual meetings to discuss how I should leverage my skills to contribute effectively. For a few seconds, she held her breath, perhaps imagining how I might tarnish the family legacy in case I choose a live-in relationship. At this point, my mother intervened and changed the subject of the conversation to rescue me from the impending attack. Thank God, she didn’t question my sexual orientation, as that could have led to a potentially disturbing conversation for her.
A few years ago on my birthday, a “well-wisher” insisted that I should get married soon so he could meet his loved ones and enjoy Kerala cuisine. In response, I offered to take him out for lunch to satisfy his craving for Kerala food, to which he took offense and never contacted me again. (Note: I highly recommend this solution to appease the curiosity of the “well-wishers” in your life).
And then there is another category of people, whom I would like to sweetly address as “The Papz.” Just like the paparazzi, they are curious about your dating life. They are so fixated on your relationship status and dating life that at times you feel like a celebrity. They ask you, “Are you seeing someone?” and boldly claim, “I know you are dating someone” with utmost conviction, leaving you curious about the identity of this mysterious “someone”. To those people, I want to say, “I wish there was someone!” But to your disappointment, I don’t possess the skills to actively contribute to my dating life as that life is non-existent!
To all of you, my god-sent messengers, if you are so determined to see me married, let’s go out for a date and have a conversation about your marriage because I’m curious to find out how happy your marriage is.
